What's more deadly: gaining weight or losing faith?

By the year 2011, I was really fat. I was studying at UE that time and like any other teenager; I had a lot of insecurities. Since I am studying in a private school, I have a lot of beautiful classmates I envy so much. Among my friends, I am the fattest. i have a crush that time. as we became friends, he started showing interest towards me but my world fell apart when I found out that he likes my best friend which I don't question because she is the prettiest among the girls in our section. Because of that, I got really stressed and my insecurities got worse. I started exercising but i want a faster result so I starved myself. Instead of losing weight, I gained more due to over eating at night because I’m not eating during the day. Then, I convinced my parents to let me stop telling them to give way for my siblings' education but the truth is to lose weight in a year and come back as a new person.

One day, while I was browsing channels I saw an advertisement introducing a slimming product which tells that it is really effective. Because I was really desperate, even though I know that it costs much, I told my mother to buy me that product. I kept my asking my mother for the whole month of April but she won't still buy me one. My frustration got much worse so I starved myself more, I cry the whole day, I started having suicidal tendencies and the worst of all, I questioned God. I have plans of hanging myself everyday but I can't do it. I even took a naphthalene ball nothing happened. I was writing notes full of curses and self-pity towards God asking why am I fat. My mother can’t take it anymore seeing me doing that to myself so she decided to order that slimming product just to make me stop.

When the slimming product came, instead of happiness I felt guilt. But since I really want to see the result, I didn't put attention to it. a week of using it passed and nothing happened so I told myself I got to give it another week. The time came that I finished taking the whole package and my clothes still fit the same. I was crying the whole night regretting wasting money to that stupid slimming product. I could've used that money to lessen my balance for my tuition fee for the previous semester. It was like the middle of the night when I came to my mother telling how sorry I am for being selfish. Since she was sleepy, she just said that it’s okay. Then I prayed that night, asked forgiveness from God for acting stupid for a long time, not thinking of our financial problems.

Eventually I was able to move with that and try to start a new life by transferring to another school which is the Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Marikina. As I started forgetting my frustrations of losing weight, I didn't know that God was planning something. On the second semester, there was an intercollegiate cheer dance competition. I joined the team. We started the rehearsals and surprisingly, I saw curves! I was so happy that time. I even got to wear our sexy cheering costume confidently. I learned that if you learn to accept and be contented with what you have, that's the time God will give unexpected blessings you never thought that will happen. now, I won't say that I’m very much contented with my life because if I said I am, I’m probably lying. Still I have insecurities with myself but now I learned that there are lots of things that you should work on rather than you're physical appearance. I would rather make myself busy with my studies and make the people that accepted me happy.

My dear readers have a happy and contented life with the guidance of our Almighty God! :)