Confessions of a Troubled
Child
Ever had a
classmate who wants to be alone all the time, who doesn’t talk much, who
doesn’t want to be noticed, who seems different from everybody? I’m sure all of
us did. But, did any of you bothered to ask them why are they like that? Maybe
some of you did but more didn’t. How did I know? I am one those children.
Growing up, I was
always anxious, paranoid almost. I can’t stand and talk in front. I can’t do
things on my own. I can’t manage a conversation. I can’t look people in the eyes. I can’t even walk in front of people. I can’t even talk to boys. Despite
all of those, I don’t think that I was dumb. In fact I do have few talents that
some of my classmates envies. However I’m always jealous. It feels like there is a barrier between me
and my environment. Every time that I want to do something, there is always a
very strong pull that’s pulling me back, away from people, away from
everything. Since I really want to know
why I am like this, I decided to take BS Psychology in college to find out
what’s happening with me.
After a year in
college, my questions are answered. Instead of relief, I felt hurt. I found out
that the parents’ way of upbringing their children play a big role in the
development of their personality. My mother never had a really good
relationship ever since. I didn’t know that is has something to do with my
issues with my personality.
According to the
book Principles of Mental Hygiene, there
are several factors that determine one’s personality and most of it deals with
one’s relationship to his/her family. The book states that the problems of
children regarding their personalities root with their bad relationships with
their parents. The book states that
there are various cases of inadequate parent-child relationships and these are
a follows:
1. Emotional rejection of the child
Rejection may be defined as an overt
behavior toward an individual which leads him to believe that he is neither
loved nor valued. Rejection causes children to fear that those who constitute
their world will not stand by them, are hostile, and ready to abandon them –
that other people wish to humiliate them. The following are practices which
indicate parental rejection:
a.
emphasis on the children’s shortcomings
b.
severe punishment and negative response
(nagging, scorn, ridicule, threats)
c.
rigid discipline
d.
desertion
e.
eviction (to expel by legal process)
f.
unfavorable comparisons with other children
g.
deliberate verbal statements indicating that he
or she is unwanted
2. Domination of the parents
Some parents are so
rigid and uncompromising with their standards that anxiety is created in the
child. Thumb-sucking, nail biting and bed-wetting, which frequently are the
results of anxiety, are met by threats and restraints by the parents.
Punishment, ridicule or physical force produce further anxiety and tension in
the child. His or her feeling of rejection is heightened and avenues of
emotional release, such as thumb-sucking is continued.
3. Submission to the child
A submissive parent is one who
capitulates to unrealistic demands and requests, usually following pressures
and teasing by the child.
Submissive behavior of parents tends to
develop conceit, over-confidence, disobedience, and disrespect for authority in
children. When carried out in overt actions such tendencies become avenues to
personal and social maladjustment.
4. Overprotecting the child
Overprotection of parents involves over
attention and pampering without offering opportunities for the child to make
decisions or to assume responsibilities. The child is given everything he or
she wants and have every whim catered to. Children who are thus mishandled fail
to become self-reliant, and will be unable to cope with even minor
frustrations. There are four factors which appear to account for such
overindulgence:
a.
absence of love and affection in the parent’s
own childhood
b.
inharmonious marital relationships
c.
frustration of personal achievement or thwarting
of vocational aspirations
d.
loss of mate or of another child
5. Other detrimental practices common to
parents
Some
parents wish to relieve their lives through their children’s careers and thus
impose their vocational or professional ambitions without regard to the child’s
own interest and abilities. This may lead to (the child’s) frustration if the
child is deficient or not interested on the field imposed.
Some
parents who have acquired considerable social and economic prestige because of
their perseverance and drive expect their children to be like them. This
situation results in a state of constant tension. In many cases, children who
are compelled to master school subjects and other tasks which they do not have
an aptitude for loses self-esteem and develop feelings of inferiority.
The home is the first and most significant agency that
affects the life of a child. It is the emotional atmosphere of the home that
gives a child the feeling of security, safety, and acceptance or of anxiety,
hatred and defiance of authority.it is important, therefore, that the child
develops a deep sense of inner security and (sense of) belonging which only the
natural home can provide for the child to achieve a whole adjustment and
physiological stability. Knowing this article, it really made want to prepare
for the right parenthood in the future because I don’t want my future children
to be like me. I want my future children to grow up happy. I hope that this
article I hope that this article that I wrote helped you opened up your mind on
parenthood whether you are now a parent or will be a parent someday.
Here’s a link of a video that will help you boost your
confidence and self-esteem. Remember that whatever you’ve been through, whatever
damage you had, pick up yourself because the decision to be happy is always yours and its best to start it rebuilding your home.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20p5o6QaQfg
Thank you for reading and have a nice day my dear readers. J
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